Experienced Pirate Captain and Parrots for hire for birthday (children or adult), bar/bat mitzvah, other parties, education demonstrations, business publicity, acting, or events. All proceeds go to support Melbourne Avian Rescue Sanctuary. Pirate has all the tools of the trade. Working flintlock demonstrations, if appropriate. Photos on request.
Saturday January 19th, 2019 - 5:00 am
Ahoy all ye pirates and parrot lovers! Today be Pirate Day at the Brevard County Renaissance Faire. Stop by and see Carmen Nieves ships the Panama Pearl and the Revenge. Then stop by and visit with Captain Red Legs, Captain Dan, Kosh, Jules, and Keyes at the Wayward Parrot Tavern. Ye can also see Captain Dan's new ship for the all parrot crew, the Rapscallion. Ye can also help out the Melbourne Avian Rescue Sanctuary and the Galleon Treasures Sanctuary. Help Feed the birds!
Friday January 18th, 2019 - 5:04 am
Kosh be saying, "Stop chewing on that nut shell, Jules. We have to go get ready for the Brevard County Renaissance Faire tomorrow. Captain Dan be bringing Keyes and I want to impress that scallywag with how real pirate parrots be doing things. By the way, the next time ye be using me pirate bird flag for a bath towel, I'll be hiding the peanut butter and ye won't get a sandwich for morning break."
Thursday January 17th, 2019 - 5:00 am
Jules be saying, "Red Legs be going to set up the Wayward Parrot Tavern at the Brevard Renaissance Faire today, Kosh. I think we be having a fun weekend. Since Red Legs be taking us. I do think that the Missus be a bit worried, however. She be hiding the black powder and the Code Rum, plus she be making ye memorize the phone number for Uber."
Wednesday January 16th, 2019 - 5:56 am
Kosh be saying, "The guys be getting ready to do what they call spear fishing, Jules. What ye be staring at be called Scuba gear. The guys be putting on these fancy black long johns and funny looking duck feet. Then they be going swimming under water to find fish. They do be seeming to have more luck finding fish than the guys who be using poles on the shore. On the other hand, I never be seeing one actually catching a spear fish yet, only the occasional shark or grouper."
Tuesday January 15th, 2019 - 5:00 am
Kosh be saying, "Okay, Jules, I be explaining this one more time. Anakin Skywalker be getting suckered in by the dark side of the force by his big ego in Star Wars I-III. Then Luke Skywalker be coming on the scene to fight the Empire and Darth Vader, who be turning out to be his father, Anakin Skywalker, in Star Was IV - VI. When VII starts, we be finding out that Luke's nephew, Ben Solo, be suckered into going to the dark side by his ego. Since he be the son of Hans Solo this be not a big surprise. Now, along comes Rey, who we never be told her last name. She gets mixed up in things in VII and Ben Solo, who be calling himself, Kylo Ren. He be trying to get Rey to go to the dark side and maybe date him, but she not be taken in by his bulging muscles and she don't be having a big ego like his. The two of them do be managing to take out Kylo's boss, Supreme Leader Snoke. That be leaving us waiting for episode IX to find out what happens. Don't be worrying, if ye be confused. I be seeing Soap Operas with less twisted story lines."
Agreed, I can do 50 years of Days of our Lives but they lost. But so confused after lll.
Monday January 14th, 2019 - 5:07 am
Kosh be saying, "That little boy be asking me why islands don't be floating away. I be telling him that I be not really sure. Then he be telling me that they be having really big anchors. Let's be talking to Red Legs. If that be turning out to be really true then maybe we can get the islands to be coming to us, instead of us having to go to them."
Sunday January 13th, 2019 - 5:10 am
Kosh be saying, "Don't be over thinking it, Jules. Why a pizza box be square, the pizza be round, and a slice of pizza be a triangle just be one of life's great mysteries."
Saturday January 12th, 2019 - 4:34 am
Jules be asking, "There be not may people here on the beach, Kosh. So, be a better day to go pillaging or to be going plundering?"
Friday January 11th, 2019 - 4:20 am
Jules be saying, "I thought I be having a winner, Kosh. I be writing to Ralston Purina and suggesting that they be making a mouse flavored cat food. I be getting a letter back saying that they were afraid that people be thinking that this be inhumane. They be continuing to use mice as lab animals, however."
Thursday January 10th, 2019 - 5:00 am
Kosh be saying, "That fisherman not be catching anything for the past 3 weeks, so I be asking him why he be coming back everyday. He be saying, 'My wife got mad at me for fishing and told me that she wouldn't speak to me till I quit. I must be doing something right!'"
Wednesday January 9th, 2019 - 5:49 am
Kosh be saying, "Okay, Jules. Let's be keeping this simple. The tourists be all spread out on the beach. First, ye go by and be telling them that ye be the beach tax collector and that there be a $1 per person tax for using the local beach, then I be rushing in to tell them that ye be trying to scam them, that the beach be free. We then be getting into a fake fight and I be grabbing the basket with the snacks and start to run away. Then ye yell that I be a known felon and ye be grabbing that lady's purse and chase after me. That should be leaving them so confused that they won't know what be hitting them."
Tuesday January 8th, 2019 - 5:00 am
Kosh be saying, "I be learning how to raise money for the government. Article I of the U.S. Constitution in clause 11 be giving congress the power to issue Letters of Marque and hire privateers. All they need to be doing be to declare war on some country and then they can be hiring all us pirates. Personally, I be recommending that it be the Conch Republic. I hear there be lots of rich tourists there and I be sure we could get a fine ransom for Jimmy Buffet."
Monday January 7th, 2019 - 4:43 am
Jules be saying, "I know ye be having a rough night, Kosh, and that ye be telling me not to wake ye unless it be real important. There be a Satellite Beach policeman, a Brevard county deputy sheriff, a Coast Guard officer, and 3 women with baseball bats headed this way. Would that be counting as real important?"
Sunday January 6th, 2019 - 3:45 am
Kosh be saying, "I don't be minding ye dancing, Jules, but ye should pay more attention to classic sailors dances. I don't think the Funky Chicken be appropriate for a pirate bird!"
Saturday January 5th, 2019 - 4:55 am
Kosh be teaching Jules pirate history. "Ye be hearing the krewe talk about 'proof' when they be talking about rum. Early sailors be concerned about getting weak rum, so they be coming up with a test. If ye mix rum and gunpowder, ye can't light it unless the rum be at least 57 percent alcohol. If you could light the mixture, then they be saying that it be 'proof' that it be good rum. If you couldn't light it, they be saying that it be 'under proof'. It be sad to note that the British navy be ending the practice of giving the sailors rum on July 31, 1970. That be a day mourned by all seafarers."
Friday January 4th, 2019 - 5:03 am
Kosh be saying, "Then I hear the shop keepers talking and one says to the other that taxes be for the birds and the other one agrees. Now, I be doing some checking and I be not finding any bird who be getting money from the government! I be checking more and the government be giving money to dog shelters and cat shelters, but poor Ms. Lu be getting nothing for her homeless parrots. I say that the government be raising money under false pretenses! We pirate birds need to be leading a rebellion!"
Thursday January 3rd, 2019 - 4:36 am
Kosh be saying, "This be ye conscience, Jules. Ye be needing to return the centerfold of Lady, Cee Lo Green's Moluccan cockatoo, that ye be ripping from Kosh's Playbird magazine. Otherwise, I be haunting ye forever."
Wednesday January 2nd, 2019 - 5:18 am
Kosh be saying, "I be hearing about ways that humans be raising their offspring, Jules. There be helicopter parenting, tiger parenting, and free range parenting. I think we should be writing a book about pirate parenting. Ye be sending your kids out to find booty. If they be finding any, ye be rich and can afford to raise them. If they don't find any then ye didn't have to feed them while they be gone."
Tuesday January 1st, 2019 - 5:00 am
Kosh be saying, "Wow, Rum Barrell Ronnie be really over doing it again last night. I be hearing that the German Shepard that be following him around be his new fiancé. That be a step up from the fire hydrant he be asking to marry him last year."
Happy New Year from Red Legs and the krewe!
Happy New Year
Happy New Year!
Happy new year from all of us at Cape Fear Parrot Sanctuary
Monday December 31st, 2018 - 5:37 am
Jules be saying, "I be asking Red Legs how old he be. He be refusing to tell me, but he did be saying that when he be a young sailor that the Dead Sea be only the Sick Sea."
