Experienced Pirate Captain and Parrots for hire for birthday (children or adult), bar/bat mitzvah, other parties, education demonstrations, business publicity, acting, or events. All proceeds go to support Melbourne Avian Rescue Sanctuary. Pirate has all the tools of the trade. Working flintlock demonstrations, if appropriate. Photos on request.
Sunday July 15th, 2018 - 2:28 pm
Lady Red Crest be telling Kosh, "Ye need to be letting it go, Kosh. No one will ever be coming up with a decent answer. Why the writers be killing off Luke Skywalker in Episode VIII simply be making no sense. It be a great mystery like why the Milwaukee Bucks be trading Kareem to L.A. in 1975."
Saturday July 14th, 2018 - 4:59 am
Lady Red Crest be saying, "I be having good news and bad news. The lady at the refreshment wagon said that she would be happy to grant ye credit. The bad news be that something has to be freezing over first."
Friday July 13th, 2018 - 5:00 am
Lady Red Crest be griping at Kosh, "Tourist be so snooty. This lady with long dangly earrings and strings of faux pearls be asking me where she could find a replacement of her nice hand bag. I be telling her to go to the flea market. She be saying, "what makes you think I'd be buying anything at a flea market?' I told her that I be thinking that be where she got her last purse, since even a parrot could be spotting a fake Louie Vuitton ."
Thursday July 12th, 2018 - 4:57 am
Lady Red Crest be rehashing the plan., "Remember, we be keeping this simple. I be yelling 'go" when the guy be turning his head to watch his kid's surfboard ride. Given the kid's age, wave heights, and roughness of the seas, we be figuring 45 seconds before he falls off his board. If the kid be falling in the first ten seconds, I be yelling 'Nice try!' then ye slow to a walk and pretend ye just be getting a closer look. If the guy who be watching the goodies be looking back at any time before ye have the basket, I be yelling 'shark' and then ye be doing yer crazy chicken dance. If we be getting to the 30 second mark and it be okay so far, I be yelling 'hang 10, Dude'. That be yer signal to...."
Wednesday July 11th, 2018 - 6:05 am
Lady Red Crest be saying, "It be one of those days. I be trying the fake treasure map ploy, the Looky Lou con, the Bank Examiner scam, and the Pigeon Drop swindle. Nothing be working. Then this sweet looking little old lady be coming over and telling me how sad that I be looking and offering me part of her lunch. I be beginning to perk up a bit, but when she be leaving, I be discovering me wallet was missing."
Ah the old bait and switch, I use that for me fishin☠
What goes around comes around lol
Tuesday July 10th, 2018 - 4:58 am
Kosh be saying, "I be going to a 70's party this evening. if ye be over 50, ye probably recognized me character immediately. For the younger folks, I probably need to explain. Back in the 70's Billy Joel still be having hair. Red Legs be saying that be okay, but if people be getting confused just tell them that I be the weird guy always showing up at basketball games with the rainbow wig."
Monday July 9th, 2018 - 5:06 am
Kosh be saying, "That be Scrimshaw Jane's old boy friend, Pete. They used to be calling him 'Pretty Boy' Pete, but that was before the break up with Jane. She be finding out about the barmaid in Nassau and carving his face to look like Ryan Reynolds... as Deadpool. I think It be a really good job."
Sunday July 8th, 2018 - 4:53 am
Kosh be consoling Lady Red Crest. "I know that it don't be sounding fair. Red, but it be appearing that the Miss Pirate Competition only be open to human females. I be looking closely at the rules and I be doubting that ye could find an gown to fit ye for the evening wear competition and I don't think yr'd be wanting to wear high heals. It be a real shame, because I know human females don't be having pirate skills like yours. Red Legs be telling me that judges often be looking for the cutest tail and ye'd be winning that hands down!"
Saturday July 7th, 2018 - 5:37 am
It be coming to me attention that there be some confusion about the chain of command on this ship. I be yer Captain and me word goes. If you cannot be finding me, ye can be asking the Missus. She be knowledgeable about most things and if she be wrong, it be not terribly smart to be telling her so. Me first mate, Kosh, be in charge if ye can't be locating the Missus or the Captain. Ye can trust whatever Kosh be telling ye about most things. He be having a good knowledge of the sea and be knowing how I be liking things done. There be an exception to this, however. Do not be trusting him for anything that be involving food or the ladies. If ye be unsure, be asking Lady Red Crest. She be ratting him out in a heartbeat.
Friday July 6th, 2018 - 6:02 am
Kosh be in teaching mode. "Okay, Red, let's review our forms of human government. In a dictatorship no vote counts, in a monarchy your count votes, In a democracy your vote counts, and in piracy no-a-counts vote."
Thursday July 5th, 2018 - 4:59 am
Kosh be saying, "I think we be trying the Liberal/Conservative scam today. I be yelling at ye, 'Ye bleeding heart liberal and ye be yelling back ye stupid moron conservative'. We just keep hurling insults back and forth at each other till the crowd be getting involved. When that be happening, we be picking everyone's pocket. Don't be worrying about facts. Those just be confusing folks and no one be believing them anyway. Politicians have been picking pockets for years with this technique."
Wednesday July 4th, 2018 - 5:09 am
Happy Independence Day from Red Legs, Kosh, and Lady Red Crest. Kosh be giving Lady Red Crest a piece of advice that be important. "Since it be the Fourth of July, Red, there be a lot of tempting goodies that people be bringing to the beach. I need to be warning ye about the pecan pie. It be truly wonderful, but ye must remember to be wiping yer beak after eating it. If the filling dries with yer beak be closed, it may be welded shut for days."
Tuesday July 3rd, 2018 - 4:55 am
I be visiting the Mustard Seed Kidz summer program yesterday and Kosh be making some friends there. The future powder monkeys seemed to be happy and Kosh is always happy to have someone be telling him how beautiful he be looking.
Monday July 2nd, 2018 - 4:50 am
Lady Red Crest be saying. "Humans be having it tough with their offspring. See that guy pushing the small carriage with two children in it. He be sweating and looking very tired. Ye'd think that the children would be taking it easier on their father. Better yet, he should be stopping and making them push him. That way the kids be growing up strong."
Sunday July 1st, 2018 - 5:25 am
Kosh be saying, "Ye be wondering who be the best pirate captain. Some pirates, like Blackbeard, be trying to become immortal by being cruel. Some, like Flint, be trying to be immortal by amassing large amounts of treasure. Me favorite kind of pirate be Captain Red Legs, He be trying to become immortal by not getting killed. He be the best kind of Captain."
Saturday June 30th, 2018 - 7:54 am
Kosh and be at Cosography II today from 10 till ??? at the Space Coast Convention center in Cocoa. If ye be there ye can find us at the Old Guys Cosplay table. No cracks about old guys. Brad Bradley be the proprietor and he be younger than me. If ye be brave, ye can be holding Kosh. See ye there!
Friday June 29th, 2018 - 4:58 am
Kosh be griping at Lady Red Crest, "Ye should have known better than to be trusting a drunken pirate, Red. I know that ye really be wanting to meet a mermaid, but when the guy be telling ye that she be here at sunrise, ye should have been suspicious. After all, no self respecting mermaid be going anywhere before noon. It be taking them hours to get their makeup on and their scales shined."
Thursday June 28th, 2018 - 5:42 am
Kosh be complaining to Lady Red Crest. "The guy be telling me that he is a hydromicrobiologist. Now I know that hydro be meaning water, micro be meaning small, and anyone who be called an 'ologist' be a scientist. So be he meaning that he be a scientist that be studying small water plants or a small wet scientist that be a vegetarian? Human language be so confusing!"
Wednesday June 27th, 2018 - 4:19 am
Lady Red Crest be saying, "I just think that ye missed the warning signs, Kosh. The tee shirt with 'From My Dead Cold Hands' should have been a give away. On the other hand, I do admit being surprised by the guy pulling a bazooka AND an AK47 when ye be trying the Dread Pirate Roberts shake down."
Monday June 25th, 2018 - 5:00 am
Lady Red Crest be saying, "Do we have to be going home now, Captain? Kosh just be telling me how he be saving you in the Port Royal earthquake. We just be getting to the part where he be pulling ye out from under that wall that be collapsing and fighting off the royal guards."
